my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize