My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We need a shit load of segways right now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
