So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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