YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You ruined the universe
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize