Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
