They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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