Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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