3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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