Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
