I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
