the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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