Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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