I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk is not a location!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
