that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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