Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
