I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
