margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
