i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
