my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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