um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
