i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
