rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
