There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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