my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
