Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
