First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You took a bar mat shot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
