She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
