you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
