No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
