You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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