Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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