Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
