Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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