I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize