When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My vagina is officially offended.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
