I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
