it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
