Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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