I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
