Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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