Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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