i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
