don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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