Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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