are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
