The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
