I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
