just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
