we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize