ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
