I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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