I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
