took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
