WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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