Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
