im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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