Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
