I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
