HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
