I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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