My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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