she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
