i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
