the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
