If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
