The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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