She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
