SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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